There is a terrible plague racing across this land, my friends. A plague born upon the leafy wings of mustard greens soars overhead, dropping bombs full of bean curd and cabbage. The enemy wants nothing more than to make you feel guilty for eating the flesh of the inferior. They want to question the wisdom of eating things that contain such wonderful things like fat and salt. You alone, wearing your bacon t-shirt, can stand to this menace.
The guilt trip that vegetarians try to lay on us is verging on the ridiculous. Videos are constantly put out that feature the slaughter of poor, innocent animals. Do you know what those animals would do to you if you were put in a pen with them? They would kill you with their animal feet, teeth, and horns until you were dead.
We are the kings of this planet. No other species can begin to compare to what we've accomplished and done through our short history. It was always this way. We had to fight our way to the top. There were some pretty terrible things outside of our caves with huge teeth that wanted to make us into their dinner. It is only fair and right that we can make a dinner out of anything we choose. I'll eat lion if it tastes good just to say that I had.
Have you noticed the advertisements these people put out? They brainwash skinny celebrities who live on a diet of soy and bran that meat is evil. These incredibly hot women then make ads for their vegetarian overlords that are far too unfair. They make you want to think that if you'd just put down that hamburger and eat some corn, that these women might give you a little extra attention. The fact of the matter is that women who look like that want dudes who look like them, or dudes who are stinking rich. Odds are good that you're neither, so have some bacon.
Well, I'm not taking this abuse any longer! I'm standing up for my rights as a bacon-loving American this very instant. I'm putting on my bacon t-shirt, and I'm going to use that bacon t-shirt as a badge of ultimate authority against these terrible plant-eaters! I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore! Now...where did I put that bacon?
The guilt trip that vegetarians try to lay on us is verging on the ridiculous. Videos are constantly put out that feature the slaughter of poor, innocent animals. Do you know what those animals would do to you if you were put in a pen with them? They would kill you with their animal feet, teeth, and horns until you were dead.
We are the kings of this planet. No other species can begin to compare to what we've accomplished and done through our short history. It was always this way. We had to fight our way to the top. There were some pretty terrible things outside of our caves with huge teeth that wanted to make us into their dinner. It is only fair and right that we can make a dinner out of anything we choose. I'll eat lion if it tastes good just to say that I had.
Have you noticed the advertisements these people put out? They brainwash skinny celebrities who live on a diet of soy and bran that meat is evil. These incredibly hot women then make ads for their vegetarian overlords that are far too unfair. They make you want to think that if you'd just put down that hamburger and eat some corn, that these women might give you a little extra attention. The fact of the matter is that women who look like that want dudes who look like them, or dudes who are stinking rich. Odds are good that you're neither, so have some bacon.
Well, I'm not taking this abuse any longer! I'm standing up for my rights as a bacon-loving American this very instant. I'm putting on my bacon t-shirt, and I'm going to use that bacon t-shirt as a badge of ultimate authority against these terrible plant-eaters! I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore! Now...where did I put that bacon?
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