Monday, February 11, 2013

To Live In A World Of Post Graduation, the Funny T-Shirts Gotta Go

By Matthew Mills


Ah, those glorious college years. You remember them vividly and with a hollow place inside your chest that should be filled with thoughts of scantily-clad drunk girls and irresponsible drinking. You have three things to show for your time spent in school: a college education, a beer gut, and a closet full of funny t-shirts. You may want to go out and use some of that college money to get some new, grown-up clothes. You can't keep wearing those funny t-shirts everywhere, my friend. There are, in fact, some places where funny t-shirts are a definite bad idea.

The best place to start your post-grad career moves is to, of course, take advantage of whatever career you learned about during your decade of schooling. You need to find a job that mirrors something close to what you learned about. Since there are no real careers in "underwater basket weaving" or "comic book history", you might want to go into some entry-level position that only requires a college degree. The one thing you cannot do is wear your funny t-shirts to your potential job interviews. Once you reveal your utter lack of responsibility and dedication, you're done for.

If you happen to be a religious person, then you know all about the pageantry of Sunday church. People pull out their best clothes and do their best to impress everyone except for God. If you want to go to church, though, you have to play the part. That means you can't walk in wearing any of your funny t-shirts, because church is the last place in the world where people expect to be happy. I think I've just depressed myself and reestablished my hatred of mankind.

By the good graces of the God you just made fervent apologies to, you've managed to get a job. That's the good news. The bad news is that you're still lonely and living alone in a strange city with no friends. A girlfriend would do great things for your confidence and mood, so you decide to dive in deep into the local night life. If you're planning on going to clubs and bars, your funny t-shirts may make you a few new friends in the dude department...but the ladies are surely going to steer clear. It's not like it was in college, buddy. It takes more than a 12 pack of beer to get a girl. It takes professionalism and you have to at least look like you're worth breeding with.

I'm not sure if you've been paying attention, but I just told you that you wouldn't get a job, find religion, or get a girlfriend if you don't stop wearing funny t-shirts everywhere you go. If that isn't motivation to go out and buy some clothes that don't have curse words, references to beer, or semi-nude women on them...well, I don't know what is. You could always just sit on your couch, play video games, and hope your parents will let you move back in. Funny t-shirts may be hard to give up, but some people just never learn how to live in a post-graduate world.




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